Depression is a mean monster. It comes and goes in waves like you’d never imagine. One day you’re on cloud 9, happy as can be and the next, you’re plunging down a black hole of self doubt and sadness.
I know this monster all too well.
There’s such a stigma that comes with being 16 and depressed, one most people don’t even know is there. At this age, everyone expects you to be flying off the handles, insanely hormonal, and emotional, so being 16 and having this monster of a mental illness, is hard when everyone dismisses you as a melodramatic teenager. In ways, it forces you to hide it, to refuse getting help, and it destroys your life in ways you wouldn’t believe.
I, personally, have been fighting with depression since the ripe age of 12 years old. So many people tell me that I am kidding myself if I think I was depressed at that age, but it happened, and it’s a real thing. I am now 16 and it has not changed, my depression has not gone away, and it will continue to be a battle I will have to fight and fight again to win. I’m slowly but surely learning that in some of the toughest ways.
The hardest thing about being depressed, is how it manifests itself in your life. It comes in all different shapes, sizes, forms, and people. In my experience, throughout the last 4 years, my depression comes in waves. I will one day, quite literally, be on cloud nine, laughing, smiling, a happy camper, and the next, I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to talk to anyone, and I just want to be left alone. And when it hits, it hits hard. Depression has no sympathy. This monster wants you all to themselves and they’ll do anything to make it happen.
It sucks, so much.
As I grow into the young woman I am today, it becomes harder to fight it. My depression manifests in so many different ways and it puts so much distance between me and the ones I care about. I find it hard to get out of bed, to care about school, extracurriculars, and my various other obligations. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to see anyone. I would much rather lay in bed and sleep. Some days, it physically hurts to peel myself away from my bed.
Dealing with depression isn’t easy, it’s one of the biggest challenges I face, it’s huge factor into the person I am, and it’s something a lot of 16 year olds struggle with – believe it or not. Depression is the monster under the bed that a night light won’t make go away. It makes the bad days worse, and the worse days treacherous.
I deal with it by writing, talking to my friends and family, seeing a therapist, and working through my issues. I’m no where near done dealing with this. In fact, it’s something that I am going to struggle with for, probably, the rest of my life.
Every day is a fight. Not just a fight with depression, but a fight with myself. I fight for my life, my happiness, my health.
If you or someone you know if struggling with depression, talk to someone. There are so many people in the world that are willing to help. Remember that you are not alone. My email is always open if you need someone to talk to, but I am not a professional. Talk to someone you trust and get the help you need. It’s going to be okay.