Coming Out… Again

I’m a firm believer that sexuality is fluid. There’s no right answer all the time of what you are, who you love, and what you like is always subject to change. I think that in our society, we are so in love with labels that we get so caught up in them, and then when someone decides they want to change, people are really taken aback by this.

Funny story, when I first started really thinking about my sexuality, I always thought I was Pans. After reading about it and understanding that there is more than just gay, straight, and bisexual, I was very sure of myself. But when you live in a somewhat small town, where everybody knows everybody – for the most part – and sexuality isn’t talked about much at all, let alone anything other than the “main” three, it’s hard to think of yourself outside of anything other than gay, straight, or bisexual.

So I just told everyone I was bi. And I guess, that’s partly true. But after a while, I started telling people I was gay because people couldn’t possibly fathom that you could “play for both teams” – so to speak. And I think that for some people, identifying as bisexual can be a stepping stone to coming out as gay. Not always, but for some. For the next four years of my life, I exclusively dated women.

Now that I’m in college, I’m no longer in a serious, long-term relationship, and my experiences have broadened, I’m definitely more comfortable with the fact that I am pansexual. I’m sure so many people don’t even know what that means, and that’s okay! To a certain extent, that’s what I’m here for. But just for the record, there is so much more to the LGBTQ+ community than just the LGBTQ’s of them all. Hense, the plus.

The dictionary definition of pansexual says, “not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.” Basically, I could care less what’s in your pants, what type of pants you want to wear, or what pants you want to get into. If you have a cool personality that I can vibe with, I’m down. I care more about who you are as a person, what your goals are, your dreams, your fears, your quirks, where you’re from, what you’re interested in than I ever will about your genitalia, your gender identity, or your sexual orientation.

I just want someone who will love me as much as I love them, who will support me and who will allow me to support them. I’m a pretty simple gal. I don’t think that my sexual orientation changes anything about who I am. Who I love is, quite frankly, nobody’s business. But I also pride myself on being transparent, being an open book, and being someone people can turn to ask questions, get advice, or just talk to.

And that’s a huge part of what I want this blog to be. I want it to be a safe place for people to ask questions without fear of judgment. I want to help educate people so that they can help educate others. I want this to be a stem for change and for acceptance and tolerance and so much more.

And it starts with me.

2 thoughts on “Coming Out… Again

  1. Ugh, boo– I totally relate. Nobody ever told me how damn fluid sexuality really is, and how many times it changes throughout life as you begin to experience new things and grow as a person. Thank you for being brave and public about your experience!


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