To My Past Self

January 23, 2015

Dear 5-Year-Old Me

you’re going to go through a lot of pain, a lot of heartbreak, and a lot of happiness. people will walk in and out of your life, and some will hurt more than others. let them leave. you didn’t need them anyways. you will grow up to be a strong young women with a good head on your shoulders. thank your mom for that. she raised you well. hug dad too. you’re thankful for him now more than ever. you will learn to love music and art and be passionate about many things. you’ll have so many dreams and so many ambitions you can hardly keep track. you’ll grow up to have a big heart. don’t let that bite you in the butt. you’ll meet people who will change your whole perspective and you’ll fall in love with the most beautiful human. I promise. (I can actually say that because we still have this person in our life). you will struggle with who you are, your purpose, and where you belong. sometimes, you think that not being alive at all is the right answer. it’s not. you will deal with a lot of pain but I promise you, it’s all worth it. you’ll meet some of the best friends you’ve ever had and you’ll learn to love them a lot. some pretty bad things happen to you. you go through a lot of hurt. that’s not to say you can’t handle it. you’ve got a best friend now who takes care of you and loves you with all she has. and you’re in an amazing relationship with a person who loves you with all of their heart. hold on tight. enjoy the little things. like good pressure in a water fountain, coloring, and playing in the sun. you’ll lose yourself sometimes and fall apart more than you’d like to admit. but you’ll be okay. I swear. take care of yourself. love your body. I know it’s hard. I know you hate it a lot of the time, but cherish it. it’s the only one you’ve got.

P.S. it’s okay to cry.


June 19, 2015

Dear 6-Year-Old Me, 

hi. it’s been awhile. a lot has changed. you are so at peace with life. you still struggle to find your purpose, but as you spend time in california, it becomes much more clear. you lost a lot of people since we last talked. you’re no longer in love with anyone but yourself. be proud of that. you’ve worked so hard to get there. so embrac2014-10-27 19.57.45e every part of your body, mind, and soul. even the things you hate the most. love them. you have made some amazing new friends. one of which you admire so much for her strength and heart as she goes through things you will never be able to understand. another you adore for her humor and her care for you. these are the friends you’ll have for awhile. hold on tighter than ever before. you’re time away from home has taught you more about yourself than you ever thought possible. you love yourself a little bit more. you’re at ease with life, at peace with who you are, and learning to love new things every day. art and music are becoming more prominent in your life again and your desire to watch every movie you’ve ever wanted to see and more, is becoming a reality. you’re happy. truly happy with every part of your life. yourself, family, and friends. most importantly, you’re happy on your own. for the first time, you are happy as you. and im so proud of you for that. keep cruisin. love life. and enjoy every minute you get to spend on this earth. talk to ya soon

P.S. new found information concludes that once you turn 16, you most definitely can sunburn. and it hurts like hell


August 5, 2015

Dear 7-Year-Old Me,

it feels like ages since we’ve last talked, and in some ways, it’s been quite awhile. you are ever changing as you head into junior year. you’ve got completely different goals, and dreams, and a whole new plan that you would have never even thought would happen.
school starts in 2 weeks and i think this is the most ready you’ve ever been. for the first time, your goal isn’t to get straight A’s. for the first time, school isn’t your number one priority. i know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. this year, is about your health anIMG_4154d your stability. then school, then extracurriculars, then dance, then work. your whole mindset has changed. as have your friends. don’t worry though, you still have your solid group that have kept you going for 5+ years now. also, new people have walked into your life. it’s too early to say for sure, but i think one of these people is going to change your life for good. your friends, are and continue to be, a huge part of your incredible support system. as you pick and choose who to keep close, you are only becoming more thankful. you are strong. you are happy. you are joyful. you are thankful. you are beautiful. but most importantly, you are alive. im proud of us, of you. one more thing, i know things start to get rough for you soon, so just know that everything is going to be okay. you won’t see the light and the happiness for a very long time, but i promise you it’s there. you’re going to come out the other side. and you’re going to be okay. i believe in you. ill talk to you soon

December 3, 2015

Dear 8-Year-Old Me,

we made it this far. as you head into one of the darkest times of your life, please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. it’s far away, it’s hard to see now, but i promise you, it’s there.
looking back, you never ever thought you’d make it this far. you didn’t think for 2 seconds that you would make it to junior year. it was just too far out of reach, never something you could accomplish, and look at us now baby. we’re half way through. this is something to be proud of. IMG_5410
i wish i could tell you that right now is the time to embrace your younger years, love being a kid, and savor every last second. but as you’ll soon find out, it’s not that easy. know that you’re going to be okay. more than anything, you are going to be okay. know that you are a strong young girl and as you go through life, these are the things that make you stronger, these are the things that make you who you are.
know that you are worthy, you are loved, you matter. know that you are not alone, it is okay to cry, it is okay to be angry. know that you are a fighter, you don’t give up, but most importantly, you are going to be okay.
here’s to us. here’s to the hard years, the tough times, and the light at the end of the tunnel. i could be more proud of you, of us. you are a bright, intelligent young lady and the person you become is one that you are going to love with all of your heart. remember that it is just an endless amount of bad days, but it’s not a bad life.
focus on you, cherish the happiness, and please remember, for the billionth time, you are going to be okay.

P.S. give those earrings back to mom before you lose them

April 4, 2016

Dear 9-Year-Old Me, 

you leave for california tomorrow & you couldn’t be more excited. since the day you stepped foot off that plane in san diego, everything about california felt like that’s where you were supposed to be. since we’ve last talked, you have made a lot of big, life changing decisions, so many to be proud of & you are so excited to make them a reality.

school is one panic attack after another but you’re holding on. junior year is hard, but nothing you can’t handle. remember that it’s okay to be stressed & to lose it a bit, but there’s a difference between taking a break, & not doing it at all. learn it, don’t let yourself make the same mistakes. you’ve worked too hard to throw in the towel.

this year, has been an eye opening one. its taught you that your oldest friends are the ones who are going to have your back when you need it IMG_5796most (kay street gals for life 💕). you’ve learned that some people you can’t help because sometimes they just need to learn how to help themselves. that was a hard pill for you to swallow, but you’ll be okay.

i know it feels like the rug just keeps getting pulled out from under you, like your world could crash and burn at any moment. hold on tight. it’s a long & bumpy ride but we’re going to be okay. i cannot say it enough.
you are still working on loving yourself. some days it’s harder than others, but it’s a learning process. girls suck, boys suck, relationships suck, so just focus on you. don’t let someone ruin you & your happiness because they don’t know what they want or just don’t want the same things as you. you are strong on your own.

i believe in you, young me, i really do. your ambition & desire to change the world since you came out of the womb is alive & thriving, & i think you’re starting to really make a difference. i am so proud of you. you’ve come a long way, traveled a journey many don’t know about, & you’re here, with both feet on the ground, fighting everyday to be here again.

everything is going to be okay.
i believe in you.

with all my love,
a soon to be 17-year-old who still gets excited about new Disney movies & cries at Hannah Montana. you’re still in me, kid. don’t you worry.